An Undead Opinion
by Colbert
Summary: An Inferi, or more commonly refered to as Zombie, moans and complains about being part of one type of the Undead that gets the short end of the stick. Much detail on many types of the undead! T for the basic idea of eating people.


It's really not fair, you know. Being Undead and all. Well, specifically an Inferi. Of all the Undead, we're the end of the tether Undead. Cannon fodder, mindless, raging, so on and so forth, that's what we're look upon as. Just because we rot and our eyes fall out and sometimes limbs get blown off/fall off, or that we have an insatiable lust for the flesh of the living, we're looked upon even worse than Purebloods concerning muggles.

Vampires have it easy. Those lucky twinks only have to worry about getting exposed to the sun. Steaks work, but its difficult to hit them in the heart, since they're fast flying buggers. That's another couple advantages, fast (when we manage a quick shamble), and flying (when we cant even jump). They get to sleep! I remember when I could sleep before I turned, and how I so enjoyed it. What's more is that they don't have to worry about getting random limbs chopped off. They're so fast you can barely even see them. A buddy of mine lost half of his head yesterday from some man wielding a loud roaring stick. I don't know what it was called, but boy did he get a surprise when he kept on movin'! His liver tasted fantastically.

The other Undead also have it easy. The Ghouls are practically upgraded versions of us, but they are a lot more powerful and don't fall to pieces. Ghasts are an upgrade of the Ghouls, stronger, more cunning, usually leading that breed of the Undead in packs. Liches, however extremely rare since many of the evil sorcerers and wizards are usually dismembered and burned to ashes, could rule PLANETS. I think the last Lich to be raised was about… say, 1500 years ago, but he met his sticky end on the wrong end of a war hammer. I'll explain a few more undead as time goes on, but lets examine these few.

Ghouls and Ghasts love to cause harmless (in their opinion) havoc. Say, they terrorize small children and adults by kidnapping random people and return the body piece by piece. They don't quite have the bloodlust as we do but it comes and goes depending on moon cycles. Quite like a Werewolf, these Undead become more ravenous when the moon is fuller. The yanks also love poking us Inferi because of our inferior nature. Who knew that the Undead made fun of each other? They're also smart enough to weild armor and weapons, while we like our hands and jaws. I can see the logic there, but we simply do not have the speed to cause any harm with swords, and we're slow enough as it is without tons of armor on us. It really sucks for those Inferi who are turned while in armor. They can barely get off the ground for the first few hours, and then they're too slow to even get any innards (which is the best part!). They usually get the tendons and such.

I've only heard stories about Liches. You know those moans you hear when you're around us? We're talking, but just like French and Japanese, you haven't a clue what we're saying. Liches are risen evil sorcerers or wizards, as I said. They usually have tremendous power amplified by the absence of living flesh and intense hate for everything. Really depressing blokes, from what I've heard. The last one was named T'ral Kul. He had dominated practically all of eastern Russia with his dark magic. The only problem was he was far too careless about personal defense. Some humans banded together after about 100 years, had their swords and shields blessed with anti-Dark spells, barged right in and knocked the bugger's skull off. Wish I had magic powers. What do I have? MY HANDS. My little finger is just about fallen off. Some Undead are just so full of themselves that they don't even think of what they could do with their powers. Look at us, we roam the countryside! We infest a few villages, and we even once took down a kingdom. Just imagine what we could do if we could freeze things or set things on fire. Stupid others, seriously. I could get used to roasted intestines.

What other Undead visages are there… Death Knights, Mohrgs, Mummies, Revenants, Skeletons, Wights, Barrow-Wights, Ghosts and Phantoms, Wraiths, Mylings, Will 'O the Wisps, "Hopping Corpses" (These guys are interesting), and Poltergeists.

Death Knights are just scary, even to us Undead. They literally scare away other Undead. They are the Holiest of Men severely corrupted, so corrupted that they damn what they originally believed. But the scary part is that they hate all other Undead. Generally these Death Knights are Paladins who are lured to evil by some sort of vice, and approve of letting the vice control them. However, when they eventually perish from their corruption and are risen moments later, they become what they were intended to destroy. The only problem is that some part of them remembers that they have to destroy the evil and Undead in the world, so they to EXTREME LIKING to destroying all of us off… But then they turn around and murder a small girl with a kitten in her hands, steal her soul, and ride off into the darkness. Generally they ride on Death Horses (call Mavericks by the Undead), but that's only if they have a horse before their turn. Otherwise, they run. A lot. And really quickly, I'll tell you. I saw one of those in the distance before, and he was beatin' it so bloody fast. They even seem to suck the light from around them, so you can only make an outline of them ever. You've got to wonder how twisted something has got to be when it scares even its own kind off.

Mohrgs are strange. They're parasites, which turn things into the undead and then control the bodies of those they choose. How exactly this works is beyond my brethren and me. I guess imagine a worm of some sort crawling into your brain, taking it over. This obviously kills you, and your body is now at the mercy of the Mohrg. They don't even eat anything. Anything about a Mohrg is so jaded with time that solid facts are shrouded in mystery. Supposedly they have a clawed tongue that could tear your tendons and muscles off the bone, but I don't know for sure. That would be handy, though, having a clawed tongue. I've got sharp yet stubby claws and a jaw of steel. I want a long distance way of getting a meal. Again, supposedly they we're wiped out years ago, but scattered murmurs though the inferi lines report sightings. Yet again, half of us are rotting, so who knows?

Mummies are funny. They're just brittle Inferi wrapped in bandages. Get 'em wet and smack 'em with a spoon and they go POOF! They're even lower than we are because they lack a brain (was taken out if you remember your grade school history) and most organs. Stupid mummies! They try and eat the flesh of the living, but it just falls out! What a waste of flesh.

Revenants are cool, yet limited. They're always raised to guard something. They're exponentially more powerful than a Ghast, but they're killed too easily. Step inside their radius of where they must protect and they'll show up ready to kick ass. Then you step out and they get all fussy that they can't reach you. A firey arrow usually does the job nicely. At least I can run (figuratively) and be prudent when something obviously more powerful than I rolls around. This is also all they do; protect. It's boring. Where's the spice to their Undeath? "Ooh, heres the same brick I've seen billions of times before, but I didn't notice this miniscule crack those times. My day is made."

Skeletons bug me. They always laugh. That seems to be their language, laughing. Mortals only hear the rattling of their bones, but we always hear the laughing. Hell, they always LOOK like they're laughing. Who in their right mind would raise a Skeleton only? The only reason I could see is that the flesh is so rotted that all that could be risen is the skeleton, but they're so popular. Sure they're somehow smarter than Inferi and Ghouls, but who cares? It least I don't fall to pieces from a tap by a hammer. I take SOME BEATIN'S!

Wights and Barrow-Wights are best explained as ghosts that can physically touch and wield things. Never seen one (since theyre naked to the eye) and they don't make any sound. Really, I have no idea what their point in Undeath is. Technically they're not even undead since their physical bodies have been left behind. They're rarely talked about in the Inferi lines.

Ghosts are just like you know them to be; Non-corporeal visages of the dead. Completely harmless, just a tad bit loud if piss them off. Most of them are really boring, and I cannot see why they would wish to live on in the physical world as non-corporeal beings. Even if they wish to see that "loved one again," or "found it to be better," they would technically always outlive whomever they were with. I've noticed that the longer the ghost hangs around, the more depressed and manic it becomes. The worst they could do to you is make you cold. A Phantom is practically the same thing, yet it can control being seen or not.

Mylings scare the crap out of me, personally. Semi-Coporeal beings, always children, which are so full of angst and rage that they sometimes scare the person they haunt to death. They're children who were abandoned by their families before baptism and never claimed by a religion, left outside to die. Atrocious even by Undead standards. At least we would kill the little tyke. Since they're claimed by no religion and have no beliefs of their own, their soul simply haunts the world. The way they get to be relived of their torture is by being given a proper burial, however this is impossible. They jump on the backs of passersby and demand to be brought to a graveyard. When they get closer to the graveyard, their weight just gets heavier and heavier, squishing the carrier. Then they get angry and kill that person because he or she couldn't bring them to their grave. I've seen a Myling before, and they look like your average ghost. It's strange how they can actually interact with the physical world though. I don't understand visages in general, ever. Anything that doesn't eat isn't trustworthy in my opinion.

Will o' the Wisps are just ghosts that have no appearance. Inherently vindictive, they use bright lights to lure people to their deaths. They appear only at night. They don't talk, ever. Boring things. There's a bunch of lore behind it. Really, they're just people who found a loophole in the Heaven-Hell thing. Too bad to go to Heaven, too good to go to Hell, or tricked the devil in keepin' 'em out. The blokes are then forced to wander the earth and fluorescent power balls.

Hopping Corpses are my Asian buddies! Those guys are great. They're the same as us Inferi, but they can jump really far and quickly, but strangely they cannot run. Sometimes they're mistaken for Vampires because they almost look like theyre flying. The only problem is that they rot and don't have that eternal youth and beauty thing goin' for 'em. Stupid Vampires. If I still had the finger, I would be giving them the bird right now.

Poltergeists are invisible Ghosts who like instilling terror on homeowners. They just move crap around. Really loudly. Usually at people. They've got style at least, I can give 'em that.

Of all the Undead Beings, I'd have to saw that we're the most intense. Sure, you've got your Vampires, but theyre scarce mostly. Death Knights are one in a billion; you'll practically never see one of those. Ghasts and Ghouls are more readily wiped out. Ghosts and other Non/Semi-Corporeal visages can't really cause any physical harm to you, and if they do, just hope it's not a Myling. Mohrgs are extremely rare, though not as rare as Death Knights and seem to be gaining in number. Liches are extinct now unless some stupid human does something, well, stupid. Skeletons, while vast in numbers, are easily taken down, along with Mummies. Revenants cant touch you so long as you don't bother their domains.

But then there's US! The Inferi! The most numerous Undeath! We've taken over kingdoms, as I've said before, and a mere few of us can easily overcome any warrior! With our new master leading us and offering us fresh blood at every evening, I am quite sure that we will once again become the most feared Undeath ever.

The wizard who refers to himself as the Dark Lord, or Lord Voldemort is foolish to play with the Undead… But who am I to complain when I'm getting free meals?


End file.
